Post USMLE Post Mortem Post
It felt like standing at the Klang Simpang Lima roundabout with the typical Malaysian signboard system as guide.
It's odd keeping that "don't worry, I'm fine" facade when all I see in the mirror every morning is colgate toothpaste foam on a failure, a reject. Maybe I hoped that by pretending that I'm fine, I would be fine... eventually.
There were days when I didn't feel like waking up because I didn't know whether whatever I did that day would actually make a difference. Studying seemed pointless because the only motivation was that one day, I'd be able to use this information and even that opportunity seemed distant.
I just continued studying as though that action would improve my chances in getting accepted into a partner medical school.
After a meeting with IMU folks who were so understanding that I wonder if they were God-sent, I begin to see a chance that University of Calgary will take me in. Working on a deferment with Thomas Jefferson University but if the optimism by Prof was any indication, I will be in Canada by August this year.
Friends, thanks for the encouragement, the messages, the emails, the sweets and chocolates and company. Thanks for not judging me (I actually thought people would - and now I don't really care). I don't know how to repay your kindness and concern.
I really am fine now (and that's not because I have stopped brushing my teeth in the morning). I may have failed but I will try again. USMLE and wherever God intends me to go.
It's odd keeping that "don't worry, I'm fine" facade when all I see in the mirror every morning is colgate toothpaste foam on a failure, a reject. Maybe I hoped that by pretending that I'm fine, I would be fine... eventually.
There were days when I didn't feel like waking up because I didn't know whether whatever I did that day would actually make a difference. Studying seemed pointless because the only motivation was that one day, I'd be able to use this information and even that opportunity seemed distant.
I just continued studying as though that action would improve my chances in getting accepted into a partner medical school.
After a meeting with IMU folks who were so understanding that I wonder if they were God-sent, I begin to see a chance that University of Calgary will take me in. Working on a deferment with Thomas Jefferson University but if the optimism by Prof was any indication, I will be in Canada by August this year.
Friends, thanks for the encouragement, the messages, the emails, the sweets and chocolates and company. Thanks for not judging me (I actually thought people would - and now I don't really care). I don't know how to repay your kindness and concern.
I really am fine now (and that's not because I have stopped brushing my teeth in the morning). I may have failed but I will try again. USMLE and wherever God intends me to go.
posted by eve at 9:28 PM
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